Not sure what my last post was in regards to, but today I talk about the present. In one week I leave back for Saint Louis after a stint in WI. I have been working with theater now for the last two years and overall it has been great. I get respect that has never existed in jobs I have held in the past. I am finally viewed as the creative person. I feel good about it but everything is fleeting...
I have managed to be employed for 51/2 months of the year with almost nothing in between jobs. I still ride the poverty line and find pride in working hard while making little to no money for the larger part of the year. While being very satisfied with my current endeavors I am curious about the future. Will I ever have health insurance? Do I really have to clock 45 hour per week in order to have a living wage?
Also, I am 31 years old and unsure about societal expectations but I feel like I might be successful? My old room mate Brian and I would have this discussion about success as he was always concerned that it was regarding finance. He used it as a way to dis-like women that held old American ideas close to heart. (You know the hope of a kept woman). Marring for riches and vacation and stability and to have a man that your children can call dad. I am not opposed to a parent being valued as a caregiver for those are skills I do not have.
So we now have a still poor, unwed, childless female fighting the forces of the world with a slight hope that maybe I will never be ill. SUCCESS I feel it. I know that it is not clearly visible to the outside eye but maybe it has never needed to be visible. Success is a feeling in a moment of hard to find contentment a fleeting cherished moment.
